All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
