And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
