Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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