Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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