I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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