when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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