a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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