Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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