I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Randomize
