You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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