Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
