He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
