i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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