Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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