i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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