So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
