you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
