I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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