So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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