Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
