Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Come on in and take your pants off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
