i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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