My room smells like vodka and shame
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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