whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
