how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
