My cat gives me a boner
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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