If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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