why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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