Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
