I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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