Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
