hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
