White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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