The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
