You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
50% drunk capacity currently
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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