wrigley field is MILF paradise
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
