Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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