you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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