if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
