Need sex. Gaining weight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
