You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
