how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
