Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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