I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
