Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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