I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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