So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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