By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
