I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
