He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need water and some morals
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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