Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
