You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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