found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
