So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
