How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
