I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
