I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize