his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
