Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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