were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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