he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
