living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
