Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
