grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
