Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
