You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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