ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records