dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...