You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
