Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic