He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.