Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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  (215): I was like, "um, that's my butthole." http://tfl.nu/5utz
  Replies (32) Good night (1683) Bad night (6243) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick

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  (973): I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick http://tfl.nu/xw1l
  Replies (41) Good night (1100) Bad night (3690) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense

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  (217): chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense http://tfl.nu/k4pe
  Replies (11) Good night (509) Bad night (2784) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

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  (520): just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon?? http://tfl.nu/c1fp
  Replies (33) Good night (10531) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.

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  (206): He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears. http://tfl.nu/u9sm
  Replies (20) Good night (1930) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2796) Bad night (4618) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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  (570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze
  Replies (4) Good night (2567) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off

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  (302): Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off http://tfl.nu/cpmq
  Replies (7) Good night (2204) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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  (952): I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/xnge
  Replies (55) Good night (10438) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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  (604): I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune. http://tfl.nu/081q
  Replies (5) Good night (1024) Bad night (424)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

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  (914): I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now. http://tfl.nu/2zl0
  Replies (5) Good night (1971) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.

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  (630): We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade. http://tfl.nu/0t6i
  Replies (12) Good night (1352) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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  (905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a
  Replies (8) Good night (1488) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"

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  (715): He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl" http://tfl.nu/l2de
  Replies (17) Good night (411) Bad night (2899) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness

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  (615): A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness http://tfl.nu/k0cp
  Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

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