i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.