So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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