meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
