halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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