today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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