Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
barbara walters just said penis...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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