so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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