I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Congratulations! We have a period
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