you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
