Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
