Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
