Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
