For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
