So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
