I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
