Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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