Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
