just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
